


With a Flash

by LStar



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Seizures, VENT ONESHOT, a lil angsty, and raising awareness, except for self indulgent venting, please stop making seizure jokes, theres no point to this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:54:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22092145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LStar/pseuds/LStar
Summary: Kokichi's had the issue for as long as he can remember. He doesn't remember his first seizure- but he remembers the events that follow it.
Relationships: Momota Kaito/Oma Kokichi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 94





	With a Flash

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't read the tags there are descriptions of seizures involved and panic attacks.  
> One more thing- I'm dropping my headcanon of Kokichi's mom dying when he was born for the sake of explaining what I went through. It's obviously a non canon au, so...

It had happened when he was five. He doesn't remember how it happened exactly- according to his mother a couple years later, he had been helping make breakfast one weekend morning. Out of nowhere, he just froze, and dropped the eggs he'd been holding. Suddenly, he'd been on the ground, shaking, convulsing, unable to breathe. Even though Kokichi didn't remember the event itself, he remembered _hurt, it hurt, it hurt. His lungs felt like they were being stabbed._

He had to have been given CPR before an ambulance was called. He could remember staring up at the ceiling. He couldn't hear though. It was as if his brain was disconnecting him from the world. It was then he remembered several guys in white- paramedics, he realized now, seemingly shouting. He could have sworn one asked him if he could hear him- but he didn't know. He genuinely wasn't sure if he heard right. So he couldn't answer.

That's when they shoved, what he knew now was, an oxygen mask over his face.

It smelled bad. It wasn't helping him breathe. It made it worse.

Where...where was his mom? Where was his brother? Why couldn't he see them? He wanted to see them. He was scared.

Fear. That's all his mind could register.

He was loaded on to the ambulance. It was dark, which was odd, considering it was merely Saturday morning. His mind wavered.

It was all black later.

He ended up being in the hospital for more than a couple months, totally doped up on various medications. His mom had told him he'd been on five different medications three times a day, which caused him to have severe hallucinations. He was told that there would be times little five year old him would have a glass of juice and try to put it on a counter that simply did not exist.

He was weened off a majority of his medication by the time he hit junior high. He only took one medication twice daily. No big.

At least he was coherent now.

His medication changed during his first year of high school, as his mother claimed he was still having seizures. But Kokichi had no idea what she'd been talking about. He knew there were times he totally spaces out, but that didn't necessarily mean he was having seizures, right?

Wrong.

The doctor asked him what happened during these "spaced out" moments. Kokichi couldn't answer him. He didn't know. He didn't have any memory of them. The doctor had him take an EEG to scan his brain for seizures. Sure enough, even with his weak medication, he was still getting them.

Well, fuck.

His new medication helped. He still got seizures, but that was generally only if he forgot to take his medication. But his new medication, he discovered grimly while doing intense research, raised his blood pressure levels. Now, Kokichi knew he wasn't the healthiest eater in the world- he lived for grape panta and sweets. But his blood pressure was never this high. Not until he started taking his new seizure medications.

So, instead of prescribing him a different medication, he got a new medication, for high blood pressure. It was humiliating to be taking them at such a young age. If people knew he was taking them...he cringed at the thought. No, he wouldn't tell anyone.

One day, in his high school, he came to class. The lights were off, the board was on. So they'd be watching videos in class. He sat at his desk, only to cringe when someone flicked on the light. Too bright.

A few kids complained, and one came back to turn it off. This resulted in a war between the light flashing off and on.

Kokichi lowered his head, closing his eyes and crushing his palms to his temples to stop the oncoming migraine he was receiving. Was this a symptom of a seizure? Or an after effect? He didn't know for sure.

No medicine would be able to help this headache. So he had to deal with it for the next several hours. All because of a couple immature assholes. He saw his friend, Kaito, give him a concerned look, but never spoke.

Days later, Kokichi was at home, talking to his brother. He doesn't know what it was about now- because his gaze fell on his dresser, which was suddenly so fascinating. His hands subconsciously linked together and he began to twiddle his fingers, staring at the dresser. His mind went completely blank. He felt like a statue. He couldn't move. How did he move? How did he do anything? All he could remember was he needed to breathe.

It didn't last long.

They never do.

They generally last only a few seconds, his longest was twenty.

When he snapped out of it, he looked around in confusion. Why was he in Kazuro's room? Why was Kazuro staring at him like that?

"I'm...we..." Kokichi's brows furrowed, "were we...talking about something? Video games?"

Kazuro's face grew more perplexed. "No. Not even close. We were talking about classes."

Kokichi felt more lost. "We were?"

"Yeah..."

"Um..."

"You were explaining a project you had to do for chemistry."

Still, nothing clicked. Kokichi just shook his head. "I don't remember. Sorry," he stood up and began walking out to go back to his room. Kazuro spoke up right as he began to open the door.

"Kokichi...are you taking your medication properly?"

Fury and humiliation bubbled through his chest. "Yeah, I am," he snapped.

Kazuro's face saddened. "You're gonna get your medication raised."

Kokichi just left.

As he sat in bed, he tried, he genuinely tried, to remember talking to Kazuro about anything. But for gods sake, he didn't even remember why he was in there. Fear and dread started to set in. Would he be like this for the rest of his life? Would it be the death of him? Losing memories like that, all in the span of a few short seconds, was terrifying. He knew sometimes people forget what they're doing or forget what they're talking about, but this was different. He had absolutely no control over when it would happen. What he'd forget. It felt like his life was spiraling out of control.

He ended up needing to take more medication twice daily.

A couple years pass, and now he's a senior in high school. He's sitting next to his now boyfriend Kaito, as the two shared a health class together. Lots of the class was talking, and a student, just a few tables away, laughed and said something to his friends, before jerking around. "Look at me- I'm having a seizure!" he joked.

Flashbacks to when he was five ran through Kokichi's mind. He could vividly remember being pinned down, unable to move, unable to beg for his mom. Fear and panic started taking over. He stood up abruptly, gasping out he had to use the bathroom.

He fled.

He stumbled to the nearest bathroom and felt his back hit the wall, and he slid down, his knees brought up to his chest. His breathing quickened and he gripped his hair. _Breathe, breathe, you're not dying, you're not having a seizure, you're not being pinned down by paramedics, you need to breathe!_ But he couldn't. Moments pass and Kaito was hurrying in, dropping to his knees in front of his small boyfriend.

"Kichi, hey, listen to me," Kaito said in a low voice, "can you do that? Can you follow my voice?"

Kokichi barely managed a tentative nod.

"Good. You need to breathe in, breathe out. One two, good. One, two, three. Keep going. No, no, slower, you'll calm down easier if you go slower," Kaito calmly instructed. Kokichi was trying- he really was, but his mind kept remembering the paramedics, the fear, and the oxygen mask.

"Here," Kaito leaned forward, "can I hold you? Is that okay?"

Another barely tentative nod.

Kaito shifted so he was at a better angle, moving to wrap his arms around Kokichi. Kaito hummed. "Just listen to my breathing and copy that. In, out." Kaito slowly inhaled and exhaled, making sure Kokichi was gently, yet firmly, pressed to him so he could feel his breathing.

Kokichi did his best to mimic Kaito's breathing exercises.

After several minutes of breathing, and Kaito gently whispering "good, keep going", "you're doing great" and "keep breathing, you'll be okay, I promise," Kokichi began to calm down. He buried his face in Kaito's chest, moving to grip his clothes. "Thank you," he whispered brokenly, "I'm sorry..."

Kaito shook his head. "It's fine. That guy was an asshole."

Kokichi made a noise of agreement.

Kaito knew about Kokichi's epilepsy. Of course he did. It restricted quite a few date ideas. It made Kokichi feel horrible, like he was holding Kaito back from having fun. But there was nothing he could do about that. All he could do is be grateful that Kaito genuinely didn't seem to mind, and he always asked if a certain activity would bother Kokichi. If they were watching a movie in theaters where there would be flashing lights, Kaito would reach over and help cover Kokichi's eyes. If he was showing him a video, that would have flashing lights, he'd turn down the screen brightness.

He was so caring and careful. It really made Kokichi grateful.

Now, he laid with Kaito in his room. He often found himself staring off, and sometimes his mind would go blank, and he'd forget anything and everything that just previously happened. Kaito showed concern, and kissed his temple. "Did you take your medication today?" he asked softly.

"I...I think so?"

"You think so?"

Kokichi went quiet. "Maybe I did? I don't know."

"Go take some. I don't mind waiting."

Kokichi sighed, but he got up nonetheless. He didn't want to needlessly worry Kaito. Sometimes it happened- he'd forget to take his medicine, and he'd get the days mixed up, which would lead him to believe he did take them. Was that a seizure symptom too?

He headed to the kitchen, and popped two of the pills in his mouth, chugging a glass of water down to rinse them. He set the glass down, and stared at his bottle of medication for a minute, frowning. He knew there were people who grew out of their seizures.

But he was in his twenties now. He'd been taking medicine for years. He was gonna be stuck with them for life. He knew it.

At least, he reasoned with himself, his myoclonic seizures were over, he had grown out of those. But in turn, he had absence seizures, and occasionally was accompanied with migraines connected to his seizures, which were most prominent when there were flashing lights involved. With a dejected sigh, he went back to his room where Kaito was waiting, laying down next to him, resting his head on Kaito's chest as he moved to cling to him. Kaito gave him a sympathetic smile, and rubbed his back. It sucked, but if he had Kaito, he supposed he could live with it.

That's what ran through his mind as he dozed off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> This oneshot I wrote to express myself, and what I go through. Everything Kokichi went through here is what I went through, what I was told, what I remember, and etc. Everything Kokichi went through here, I went through. I'm just tired of people making seizure jokes without realizing how terrifying they can be. And I'm kinda tired of everyone assuming all seizures are just jerky movements.  
> So, if you're reading this, this is what Absence Seizures are like. At least for me. And I projected everything on to Kokichi. Please please please be careful with what you say and do when making jokes.  
> Please don't be idiots by turning lights on and off.  
> And please, if you ever see someone zone off like that and they have no memory of what just happened or of the conversation previously, they need medical attention. Those are seizures.


End file.
